My Daughter Saved Me

Hello my name is [REDACTED] I’m 19 years old a mother of one and a soon to be college student, depression is something that I never thought I would’ve had to experience and throughout my childhood it was something that was never taken serious or just brushed off so when I went through this I was all alone and by myself.
I became pregnant in 2020 of January and things were not going as I expected them to go, my boyfriend broke up with me when he went to college, I was getting kicked out of my home, and I had no job or anything I was alone. I wanted to give up so bad. I would lay in the bed all day feeling helpless and stupid I thought these things consistently to the point where I just entered a dark stage in my life at the age of 18 years old. I didn’t want to talk to anyone I wanted to hurt myself because I felt like I wasn’t good enough, I felt abandoned, I felt like the world was coming to an end and I was going down with it. I let depression take over my mind and body and it weighed on my heavily it felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and I couldn’t be free of it.
I never talked to anybody about my problems that I was having because nobody understood I wanted to reach out to the father of my child but I was too afraid that he wouldn’t be there. I wanted to say to my family “I need help” “can anybody help me“, but I was too afraid they wouldn’t take me seriously. One day I was sitting in my room and I became so fed up with everything I told myself if I just ended it all right now maybe that would make the pain go away and I was so close to doing it and mind you I was still pregnant but I didn’t care in that moment until I put my hand on my stomach and I felt my baby girl kick and I thought yo myself is it worth it is this worth taking your life and your daughters life and I stopped myself. I began to cry wondering what was I thinking. 
I kept telling my daughter “Mommy’s sorry I never wanted it to be this way for us.”
My daughter saved my life not even knowing it and if I would’ve took my life that day I would’ve missed out on me being a mother, going back to college, and living my life to the fullest. I had to be the best version of me  for her and I now realize that. I hope my story touches souls and hearts begin measure I want you to know you’re not alone.

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